1:20 am -When Music Mirrors Your Story

Every once in a while a really great song will play from one of my Pandora stations, and when it does it triggers me to stop what I’m doing, close my eyes and listen. This doesn’t happen often. Most times the music I listen to becomes white noise as I write, but when a good one streams in, I ride the wave of the song and carefully listen  to the lyrics. Both the sound and words create a scene, a feeling and an emotion, a lot like a story.

Tonight, when this  particular song came up it reminded me of my protagonist and the internal struggle he’s going through. Whenever this happens, music mirroring an aspect of my story, it feels really good. It reinforces that I just may be  capturing an idea, a feeling or an emotion in a way that is universal to a reader or group of readers that may also connect with the story I am creating…. at least that’s my hope.

Its a great song by funk and soul singer. It originally came out in 2001. I hope you enjoy  it.

‘Push & Pull’  -Nikka Costa

Mr. Nothing’s got a lot
He’s got a lot to say
He’s good at being what he’s not
Gives nothing away
Another day goes on by
And he never speaks his heart
He takes his chance with what he’s got
It’s too late now to stop

You push and you pull and struggle with the knot
It’s tying you up while you’re fadin’
You give and you take and take what you got
Round and round ’till it breaks and
You push and you pull and struggle with the knot
It’s tying you up while you’re fadin’ into your lie

Mr. Nothing is late
He’s running out of time
He questions whether chance or fate will ever show a sign
Looks to the sky above
For a glimpse of what it means
And never never never make
Make no sense to him

You push and you pull and struggle with the knot
It’s tying you up while you’re fadin’
You give and you take and take what you got
Round and round ’till it breaks and
You push and you pull and struggle with the knot
It’s tying you up while you’re fadin’ into your lie

You push and you pull it

Fiction Is My Truth

Image By-Antonio Bolfo/Reportage by Getty Images

Writing Too Close To The Truth

When I first began writing this novel I was moved by a person, a life and a family- the greatness of it, tragic and beautiful. I befriended a long time veteran of the police force, and in return I learned about a world and a life I had never given a second thought to. Each time we spoke I would quietly listen to stories of life altering experiences that dealt with two decades of witnessing the ugliest most part of people- both horrific and heroic.

With a newfound respect and awe of their steadfast dedication and endurance to keep waking up each morning to do it all over again, it became one of the many reasons why I began writing my novel.

Obviously I’m aware of the origins of my story, however not since the beginning stages of my writing had I really thought about the difficulty I had when trying to create fiction from something real. It wasn’t until one of my a brief #ROW80 updates that I thought about the muses that inspire so many of our stories.

We’ve all heard at least once in our life, in order to be great or begin to be successful you should write or talk about the things you know. This concept can be applied to many professions including writing.

Even during a fiction writing class, I recall my professor saying that most first-time writers in some way shape or form often write stories and create characters that are composites of themselves and their own lives.

Knowing I could write about the experience that moved me enough to start writing again; I took to my computer and created the outline to my novel. The first few months of writing began as a page-by-page biography of sorts. I didn’t mean to be so literal as I didn’t want my story to be a work of non-fiction. The anonymity and trust of my Muse was and will always be extremely important to me.

With this in mind, I wanted my story to contain the seminal feelings and ideas that moved and inspired me when I first felt and heard them. I just didn’t know how to go about it.

“Fiction is the truth inside the lie.-Stephen King

Take Stephen King as an example. The protagonists in a large number of his fictional worlds are writers, and the settings take place in and around Maine (where he lives). His writing tends to carry a constant theme of isolation, either through the physical state his characters live in or within the internal conflicts they struggle with; this can be seen as a parallel interpretation to a writers life as they create. But these are not literal translations of his own life. Even when you read his book “On Writing” you can see how both similar and dissimilar his works are to him as a person. However, they still carry the essence of who he is, almost like a marker that says hey “That’s a Stephen King story’.

So, a few months into my own writing I began to take a hard look at my inspiration. I started pulling apart the cogs that created the structure that stood in front of me. By doing so I began to understand the foundation that built the real world I felt inspired by. The concrete and mortar was made up of universal truths, most of which we have all experienced at one point or another in our own lives.

It was the idea of family and the potential dysfunction of it; the experience of love and betrayal, the concept of fear and regret; purpose and loss; identity and legacy. These were the ideas and feelings I wanted to write about.

Soon I realized that my story needed to be more than changing names and locations. I began creating a world and a cluster of people that contained their own realities. The causalities of my main character wouldn’t be the same as any one person I knew in my life, but of the experiences, thoughts and feelings that I knew could happen depending on the choices I decided he/she would make in the story.

Now I’m beginning to understand that we contain a full catalog of knowledge both real and imagined, each tucked away within the fibers of our brains waiting to be called upon. Our minds contain countless hopes, dreams, observations of life and experiences- each available to us as we create the worlds within our stories.

So, still using as an outline the initial inspiration that lit the fire under me to write, the story that I’m creating today has become a mosaic of all the people I’ve met, information that I’ve read, watched and learned over the span of my lifetime. The words that I write are ideas that I imagine and some things that I have been witnessed to. It contains small nuggets of experiences and feelings that I have felt as a child and as an adult.

Either through writing prompts, a picture, a song, a news article, a scent, a person we may meet or even through something we have touched, I believe we have most of the tools needed to begin creating a great fictional piece of literature…even if it’s based on something real.

Random Information About Me

Brought To You By: Versatile Blogger

I was nominated and given a new Versatile Blogger Award!!! A bit chain letter like but still very cool for a newbie like me :-)

Thank you Lillie McFerrin at Lillie McFerrin Writes, Jayrod at The First Original Garrett’s Writing Blog and Steven Watson at Stuck in My Own Mind for nominating me. You are awesome writers!!

MY (15) NOMINATIONS

OK- These are bloggers that I’ve come to respect their advice, love their sites, am grateful for the comradery and honestly they are some of the best writing buddies I have met thus far. Follow them on Twitter, they are really great people to connect with.

  1. Jayrod- The First Original Garrett’s Writing Blog
  2. Steven Watson- Stuck in My Own Mind
  3. Lillie McFerrin- Lillie McFerrin Writes
  4. Eden- Many Worlds From Many Minds
  5. Sarabeth- Confessions of a Thirty Something Teenager
  6. Melissa- The Undeveloped Story
  7. Gene Lempp- Gene Lempp Blog
  8. Jason Runnels- The Puzzling Mind of Jason Runnels
  9. Nubia- Unicorns Are Real
  10. Kate Spenser- Sordid Details
  11. Carl Brand- My Vogon Poetry
  12. Ian Carter- Fictian
  13. Dana- The Daily Dose
  14. Jeremy Kerr- Cur Made
  15. Megan McGibney

RANDOM INFORMATION ABOUT ME

  1. Although born in New York City, I was raised in the suburbs of Dutches and Ulster County (Upstate New York). You know, its the kind of place where summers were filled with county fairs, teen flings, and swimming was done within the cold mountain waters of Lake Minnewaska and Bear Mountain. It was when high school rivalries against neighboring districts were taken very seriously only to be settled on the Basketball courts and Football fields (most times). It was during a time when most of my friends hung out at the local Poughkeepsie Galleria Mall, snuck into the movies and worked at The Gap & Express. Overall it was a great place to grow up in. Looking back now, had my family stood in NYC I think I would be a different person; not necessarily bad…. just different.
  1. My most favorite sound in the world is the sound of Cicadas singing during late summer nights in the country. The sound can instantly take me from an irritable, depressed mood to camping in the woods with my parents; to nighttime drives while coasting down the back roads of Route 32 with the windows down in my 84 Corolla; to being kissed by my first teen love under the stars in Bowdoin Park. (Weird I know, but they said random information)
  1. I am a horrible, speller. I mean really bad. So much so that even when I tweet I try to make sure I am spelling everything correctly. And even then I miss a few and when I find out I go back and erase the Tweet praying no one noticed.
  1. I love to swim… or at least stay in the water for long periods of time. When I was younger I would swim at the local beaches and lakes until all my fingers and toes would wrinkle. Usually by that time I would be suffering from a leg cramp but still refusing to get out until my mom would yell at me. Even now as an adult I’m the same. My mother used to say I was a guppy in a previous life, I think she was right.
  1. I’ve come to dislike the City in a real way. The hustle, the overcrowding, the need to work in places where your salary anywhere else in the country would be enough to provide for a small family, but in New York City you barely get by. In Spanish they say “Nueva York es una bruja, cuando vives aqui no te suelta” Translation: New York is like a witch, she beckons you in with the allure of big city life but once you are here you will never leave.
  1. I really do love music. It helps me get through really bad times, celebrate good ones and often makes me think of the people, places and experiences that at times hurts to relive, but also feels good to think about during a 4 min song
  1. I have rather large feet and tiny ears. Feet not that big, but big enough to match my 5′ 10 1/2″ height LOL!!! Sorry, I couldn’t think of anything else in this moment.

She Had Given Him Her Entire Life In Those Final Moments…

(Snippet Of My Novel- A Work In Progress)

The game was running into overtime as his mind wandered. There were moments that seemed to blur. His thoughts, reality and not, all jumbled into one very real alternate universe. It was sometimes difficult to discern time.

“Look there, my son” he thought.

Seeing him now, a young man of sixteen. Sixteen? Juan shook his head as if to rewind back time. It was impossible to escape the ever lingering sensation he felt when looking at his son. It was the sense of accomplishment and one of awe. His son on the soccer field was the same 7 pound 5 ounce baby that once entered the world from his wife’s body to then be placed into his arms—both warm and small.

And now here was his son gliding across the vast expanse of the green field and blue sky, confident and strong. Juan reminds himself how fortunate he is. He had finally brought something good into this world, uncorrupted and untainted.

Robbie had been born during a time when fathers had just been allowed into the delivery rooms. He could recall the mosaic of sounds that beeped from the many machines monitoring her and the baby’s heartbeat. The piercing smell of bleach and blood that seemed to linger in the air fueling the thought of life and death. Giving and taking both intermingled together in one place.

It was their third try. It hadn’t been easy. She didn’t want this. He knew it. But he pushed just like he always did. They both believed they needed this to mend a marriage; to consummate something beautiful and permanent despite the obvious seams that had been fraying at the edges.

In some ways he knew it was over. The last battle for their love was won and lost by his wife Rosalie. Juan felt the moment during his son’s birth when she broke away from him. She was there, she was smiling, she was holding his son, but she had already left him.

She had given him her entire life in those final moments; each year passing with every push. As she grasped his hand to bear down for the final time, out came the last string of love that lied between them both now beating in the soul of his son. Robbie was the last gift of her youth, her independence and her innocence, all given to him. Just as he had always received everything he had asked for, whether given freely or taken by demand.

Now, looking at the face of his son as he kicked the black and white paneled ball in mid-air, it didn’t matter anymore. It didn’t mean anything but what was in front of him in these moments.

A Writer, The Big Apple and the Great Escape

I was asked to be a guest writer on The Life of Riley, a fantastic New York driven blog that covers the literature and arts community of the city.  Here’s a great peek at the article.

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New York City is a hotbed continually producing world renown and influential writers; it is clear it’s the environment conducive to attaining resources to those who seek them out. So, over the last six months I decided to retool my artistic process strategy for better effectiveness. By doing so I’ve been able to meet inspirational people, find stimulating places write, share my work and participate in writing groups.  Wondering how I manged to completely overhaul my situation?It was exceedingly simple; I gave myself time to actually see what was right in front of me.

Once I started looking for opportunities finding them became easier….For the full article go to The Life of Riley

Quick Links To NYC Writer Resources (Click Below)

A month long of research, calling and visiting places- Take advantage of it!                      From one fellow writer to another. Hope it helps!

Music & Writing

The Push Pull of Love

Within my novel I’ve been  attempting to show the universal experience of pain, regret, love and family; all through the eyes of one man. Suffice it to say, far too often  these topics tend to drudge up my own personal experience with these same issues.  Essentially, this is where I use my poetry as a cathartic process of releasing the things that weigh heavy on me.

So, in between my novel-writing I’ve been working on one particular poem that speaks of my own intimate experience with the push-pull of love, anger, longing and desire. Honestly, I’ve been having a lot of difficulty with it. My words have been feeling like a tangled web of hair, unable to comb through. This is where music often helps me…it puts me in the right mindset.

Pandora, my iTunes and CD collection are always on or within reach. I’ve even gone as far as using my Sound machineapp on my iPhone to use as I write. Depending on the particular scene I’m working on (hospital setting, outdoors in a park) I pick from the various sounds they offer. There I have a sampling of thunder storms, forest sounds, rain falling on a tin rooftop, traffic and distant train sounds. It may be a bit weird but for me it helps.

For my novel and this particular poem the song below is always looping in the foreground. I feel like the music embodies the idea of  leaving behind while moving ahead. You can almost sense the movement as you listen… well at least I do :-)

I hope you enjoy it.

“Untitled #4″ (a.k.a. “Njósnavélin”)  -By Sigur Rós
The song had a Hollywood debut in the movie ‘Vanilla Sky’ during the final scene.

The Quest Stands Upon the Edge of a Knife…

FINDING A FELLOWSHIP OF WRITERS

A New Year as I Identify My Goals


In my cramped New York City apartment the clock hit 12am. As the seconds ticked down, all the images and sounds, tastes and smells of 2011 fought for a space in my mind and heart- each taking refuge.

On the first chime I attempted to drive out the not so great memories of the year that past while on the second I savored in the good ones. By the twelfth chord my thoughts blended harmoniously on the people I wish to think of while recalling the ones I didn’t, often the same between the two.

Thankfully the war that was waging in my head and the tears that began to swell was interrupted by the sight of my self-absorbed Major kissing Lady Gaga, by the embrace of Dick Clark and his wife and finally in the vain of Alfred Eisenstaedt infamous V-J Day photograph, I watched as Jenny McCarthy made-out with a NYC Police Officer.

The last two years had been hard ones, plagued with a few of life’s hardships including the death of two family members and ending with a broken heart. Suffice it to say 2012 couldn’t have come any sooner.

I immediately began to wonder what the New Year would bring while seriously contemplating what I wanted to make of it. Above everything writing was and is going to be at the forefront of my goals. At the risk of sounding cliché my story…this story will be told and I’m going to kick ass at it.

So, during one of my many late night writing sessions I had the movie Lord of the Rings playing next to my Word document. I briefly glanced at the minimized screen just as Cate Blanchett spoke these words to her ‘Ring Bearer’

The Quest Stands Upon the Edge of a Knife. Stray but a little and it will fail.

– Galadriel

Almost instantly, I realized that I am the Ring Bearer in my own life. No, I’m not trying to defeat the Dark Lord and save Middle Earth. But in my own way (perhaps you as well) I am traveling and living within my own quest. Attempting to accomplish something I never thought I would.

But with that we sometimes need a little help. A fellowship perhaps. A fellowship of writers and artists alike.

More than anything, what has helped in my writing has been the connection with others. It started with creating my blogs and signing up for Twitter. Then National Novel Writing Month arrived and I participated fully. Each provided the push I needed each day to write.

Now that NANOWRIMO is over I went scouting for other challenges to connect with. In doing so I found A Round of Words in 80 Days. Unlike National Novel Writing Month you set your own writing goal for the 80-day stretch as you connect with other writers. You identify what you want to accomplish and post it. Fellow #ROW80 participants will connect on your blog and Twitter to see your progress and give a hand of encouragement. Sounded great to me so I started.

However, this had me thinking…how many other writing/ word count challenges are there? Quite a few (I’m sure many more that I’m missing)

  • National Novel Writing Month (NANOWRIMO): Quoted from their site “Its a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing on November 1. The goal is to write a 50,000 word, (approximately 175 page) novel by 11:59:59, November 30.”
  • A Round of Words in 80 Days (#ROW80): Run by Kait Nolan. Here you set your own writing goal for the 80 days. There are 4 rounds a year, each running 80 days. Thanks @JayrodPG for this one!!
  • 250, 500 or 1000 Words A Day: In this challenge you try to write 250, 500 or 1000 words a day (pick one of these goals), at least six days a week. Their website is also a great resource on Word Count meters to place on your blog no matter which challenge you participate in.
  • 100 Words: In this challenge you set out to write 100 words a day. A fellow blogger just informed me about this one. Since the word count is so small you have the time to really take a close look at what you are writing, how it is said and determine if what you have written is actually moving the story forward. In other words, does it have purpose. Thanks Nancy at http://wordsforgotten.com/ you rock!!!
  • May Novel Writing Month (MayNoWriMo) : The rules are simple: Name your word count goal for the month, begin writing at 12:00 AM on May 1st and reach your word count goal by 11:59:59 PM on May 31st to be called a winner.
  • Academic Book Writing Month (AcBoWriMo) Writing for an academic audience. Total word count goals you set – journals, book chapters, books, doctoral thesis, or academic reviews.
  • Six Sentence Sunday (SSS): BRILLIANT!! Its a way to share a tiny portion of your work with other writers, authors and readers as a means of gaining interest in your work or for feedback, support and encouragement! The idea of Six Sentence Sunday (SSS) began with Sara Brookes. Participating is easy. Pick any SIX sentences from your work from any genre, whether WIP or published (you don’t have to be published to participate) and post them on your blog on Sunday before 9 AM EST.

So, with my new writing schedule in one hand and a growing fellowship of writers in another I saddled up on my horse as I make my way to complete my ‘precious’…novel that is. ☺

A 9mm Stored In My Underwear Drawer

FOR THE LOVE OF RESEARCH…

OK, to better learn about my characters for my novel- being that my main character is a former Marine & now Police Officer, I’ve done the following:

Interviewed (1) Marine and know another

Visited a recruitment office

Read a crap load of materials on them

Studied countless Marine videos ( Discovery Channel stuff, personal blogs & journals)

Watched Marine themed movies including ‘Full Metal Jacket’ and I HATE war movies !!!

Facebooked I “Liked” the United States Marine Corp on Facebook including their Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego (Where my fictional character will be trained at)

Shooting I’m even going to go rifle and pistol shooting in the upcoming months

Spoken with Family- Even though he isn’t a Marine I sat down with my father and spoke to him about his experience in the Army and why he joined. When I asked him why the Army and not the Marines he said “I didn’t  join the military to go fight and kill someone!” CRACKED ME UP!! But it says a lot about the roll and perception of the Marines in our armed forces.

I’m about as liberal as they come. I used to be afraid of guns and I didn’t know or think about the difference between each of the armed forces. Outside of knowing why my own family, friends and community members join the military (ie. A way out of bad neighborhoods, career/school opportunities or a need for strong support and guidance) I never really understood why anyone would put themselves in harms way for our own government that has demonstrated time and time again how they ALWAYS need to be reminded to give back when our soldiers return from war and are in need.

With that in mind, my ongoing process of learning and listening to the experiences of others I’ve come to respect and admire the strength, courage and stamina found in each of these Marine men and women, truly amazing. For that I am grateful to everyone I have spoken to and what I have learned.

However, in the process of researching I think I’ve come to learn way too much about hair cut regulations, rankings, The Crucible, and even BCGs…… that would be ‘Birth Control Glasses’ (military issued glasses).  And now my friend (The Marine I interviewed) was so excited that I was writing a story about a Marine he went out and bought me a T-shirt, coffee mug and my favorite, a Marine fatigued mouse pad!

Now if I can only get all my NYC Police family members and friends to get me stuff. I will be well on my way to become a card carrying NRA member with a 9mm stored in my underwear drawer and shotgun in my imaginary pick-up!! :-P

My Soundtrack To Falling In Love

Another late night writing session…Pandora is on and this song comes in my queue.

When I first heard this album ‘ComeFromHeaven‘ I was falling in love with the person I would then go on to be with for the next 14 years.  Alpha, Fiona Apple and a few others provided the soundtrack to the best moments in my life. I hope you enjoy.

‘Sometime Later’ By- Alpha

I’m Not Quite a Loser

WHAT 38,344 WORDS LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE……

November 30, 2011- I didn’t even leave my desk at work because the ½ hour commute home meant I would lose more than 1,000 words in my writing. But by this point I knew I wouldn’t make the full 50,000, and honestly, it didn’t matter. What mattered was finishing and trying my best to the very end. I did just that.

Corny as it may sound….. I feel like a winner, kind of. I won’t lie as my phone alarm went off 11:59 November 30th I did feel like a loser- a big one.

But just as a fellow NaNoWriMo writing buddy said “Get as many words in as you can, especially in the beginning because life happens”. She wasn’t kidding. My ‘Life’ happening came in the form loosing a close family member 1 week before the Thanksgiving holiday. My 1,699 word per day goal was the last thing on my mind; my small world was temporarily turned upside down.

Breaking through the loss, I returned a few days before 30th determined to write until my fingers dropped. In the end I achieved something that may be small in some eyes but great in mine. I flexed a muscle I didn’t realize I had.

  • I didn’t go back to edit, edit again and re-edit the sentence I just wrote, thus wasting time and getting side tracked.
  • I didn’t stop and spend an entire day looking up a name for a character because it needed meaning in that very moment.
  • I didn’t spend hours and days researching the police radio codes for dispatching an officer to a crime scene.
  • I wrote even when I didn’t want to write.
  • I wrote when the small voice inside me said my story will never be seen or heard…I wrote.

In the end I pushed through. I made due with the temporary names, the fake dispatching codes. I made due and in return I have a story.

I’ve read countless blogs on winning and losing to National Novel Writing Month. Each an inspirational tale of late nights, blue computer screens, constant word count updates, music playlists, outlining gone wrong, story lines changed or chucked all together. I even ran into a site that blasted National Novel Writing Month. Calling it out as a dangerous community of ‘Charlie Nobodies” calling themselves authors.

For me it was one of the best things I’ve done for my novel. As I said it wasn’t a loss at all. I learned, I met great people along the way and above all I wrote. Now I need to continue….

THE BEST OF MY NANO EXPERIENCE

Some of the Best Writing buddies

@JayrodPG
@so_she_writes
@KateSpencer2go
@lumos_nox_
@raineerose
@MiykieQ
@ParentheticaLex

Best Online Writing Tool (Kicks your ass to just write)
Write or Die: http://writeordie.com/#Web+App

Best Post NaNoWriMo Blog
http://blog.deannaknippling.com/?p=3687#.TtVF_9Vksn8.twitter

Best Post NaNoWriMo Image
From @JasonRunnels http://pic.twitter.com/gWwJjNi7

Untitled

By: N. Guadalupe

Falling deep, falling hard
I’m losing all sense of me
This adult version of she

College educated, career oriented
I’m losing the jaded most part of me

This teen is falling deep and falling hard
Becoming the younger version of me

Filled with insecurities and exposed virginity
I’m losing sight of me

Naïve in the language of surface truths
Unrevealed and uncertainties she wades the deep

Watching the slow tempering of real and make-believe
These stiff brick walls remain unrelenting on me

I think I’m losing all of me

Struggling to Write

After being encouraged by fellow writers and artists I just meet and by the people closest to me- I just wrote something that has made the stress of making my daily word count, my self doubt, and my fatigue all worth it…I hope its fuel to keep me going because I will finish!!!

‘Needle In The Hay’ By- Elliott Smith

-I first heard this song while watching the Royal Tenenbaums

Money & Fellowships: Creative Writing

Hi Fellow Artists, Writers and Creators!

As I mentioned before, I’ve been trying to transfer my skills as a 8 year grant writer and non-profit fundraising veteran to help myself obtain grants and find unique learning opportunities as I continue my path in becoming a professional writer.

Well, it hasn’t been easy. Give me 2 hours and a computer I can find a $500,000 grant for a youth program, domestic violence support services and even find donors for a community arts program; I could write the entire proposal, draw up logic models, breakdown process/ outcome objectives and create a full budget – but finding grants in the arts for individual people, well… it’s a B*#&%

In any case I found some great fellowships for Creative & Screen Writing. Why should I keep this information only to myself but share with others and save you some time? Just because they don’t work for me, they may help you.

I’m only posting updated and more comprehensive programs/ grants that I would want for myself and others. Submission dates may have passed but ALL the websites are active and grants are still being awarded. I went through each and tried to summarise to save you time.

CHECK OUT:

-QUESTIONS & COMMENTS: Although I am not an expert creative writer I am however, rather good with grants and soliciting for funds, so leave a comment or send email, I will try my best to help. OR if you have info to share GREAT!!!!

-

I WILL BE UPDATING THIS EACH MONTH SO COME BACK !

-

Put a Fire in My Belly

By: Natasha Guadalupe

Craving violence
No more complacent me
Understanding and peaceful talks has made this me

Put a fire in my belly
Fill it with the instability and unpredictability of it all

The feeling when first strapped to the chair
Heart racing with the clink, clang of the worn track
Gripping the bar as you anticipate the decent

Swooshhhhh
Down the windy slope, stopping midair, upside down, only to be whipped whipping around
Right-side up

Unforeseen curves,
The weight and push of the bends
Exhilarating!
Until the end

Creeping to the place where you began,
Unstrapped, released, and shaken
Left with only the echo of ride

Killing Off My Main Character…..

Yes, he will die.

I guess this is a spoiler alert.  However, by the time I edit this crazy draft, find & get an agent, then  with some luck have it published you would have forgotten any of this. Why? Because I’m very sure it will be many years from now that any of this will happen  LOL!!!

During a recent NaNoWriMo write-in I met a fellow writer who asked me why was I going to kill my main character. In so many words she asked  if I was killing him because he was a ‘bad’ person.

I smiled inside because it couldn’t be further from the truth.  He is a ‘good’ person, a man deserving love and a happy life but in this case not a happy ending. I guess from my view-point and in my story, I believe sometimes a person cannot be saved. Sometimes you are too broken to be fixed.

Life and the choices we make as individuals often leads us down a path to the inevitable, in this case death.  My character’s hurt has corrupted his ability make the change needed to do more than survive—to truly live. There is no redemption for him. It may sound harsh, perhaps it is, but it is the one truth I know for him.

I’ve spent a good portion of my life meeting all types of people from all walks, off the beaten path so to say.  As a psych major, I choose a field of study that would help give me the tools needed to empower individuals enough to help them make the choices that would improve their own lives.

Innately I have always been a person that listened and cared when others didn’t. This lead to a 12 year chosen career path as a counselor to teens, parents, alcoholics, heroin addicts, and HIV/AIDS patients. In that time even, as I looked at my own life, I began to understand there comes a point in a person’s life where the window for change becomes narrower and narrower.

Once a person passes that “Fork in the Road” and neglected to make the proverbial correct turn,

  • not taking that Leap of Faith and trusting even when others had shown them otherwise,
  • not embracing the love they found in a place they weren’t expecting,
  • not leaving that job that has caused them more misery than the security it provided,
  • not leaving that relationship,
  • saying No instead of Yes,
  • saying Yes instead of always No.

If we didn’t step into the unknown rather than settle for the familiar, it can become too late, as in the instance of my character’s story arc.

We are creatures of habit and within that there is a layer of fear, such as what is unfamiliar.  I believe this fear leaves us in the soppy mess that we often find ourselves in. A dirty, unhappy but very comfortable place. Why?  Because this is what we know, what we are familiar with—it therefore becomes the only truth we believe in, because anything else, anything better, is not possible or to be lived by others.

By no means am I trying to simplify our lives and say that we are filled with a multitude of  choices by which we always turn a blind eye to.  What I do believe is that there is always a moment(s) in our lives, however small or large that we do have an opportunity to choose; a decision that can either let the door crack open just enough to let the breeze in or simply see and experience something different.

I am not an blind optimist but I am always hopeful. I’ve often been let down or consumed with the pain of others—of individuals when they themselves don’t seem to care or want to think about what they actually might be facing. Even with this I remain ever hopeful.

I see the main character of my story as the visionary—the poet and the one that needs to die.

I think it was said best by Michael Cunningham in his book The Hours-

“Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more. It’s contrast”  – Virgina Wolf

-

Novel Research: Women’s Police Locker Room

RESEARCH: I couldn’t wait to share it.. Its a mini clip of me in a women’s Police Precinct locker room.  (Although I took this video last winter- I just edited it for posting) Note: its a tiny piece. I had to edit it down for obvious reasons (women were changing into their uniforms! Ha!)

MY OBSERVATIONS:

  • Dirty
  • Unmaintained by cleaning staff (lack there of)
  • Peeling paint
  • Mold
  • A foul smell I couldn’t tell and didn’t want to know where it was coming from.
  • (1) Shower and (1) toilet for over 40 women (That work 8-12 hour shifts….or more at a time)
  • A report that there were bed bugs (Thus why most of the women kept their uniforms in plastic bags)
  • Bullet proof vests that looked way too small and too uncomfortable for most of the women there.
  • Their Lockers: Pictures of their children.. husbands..wives..boyfriends and girlfriends taped up.
  • A feeling of comradery despite the circumstance they worked in….Absolutely yes.

Its Amazing How a Song Can Resonate Truth To a Complete Stranger

 ’Pale September’ -By: Fiona Apple

Pale September, I wore the time like a dress that year
The autumn days swung soft around me, like cotton on my skin
But as the embers of the summer lost their breath and disappeared
My heart went cold and only hollow rhythms resounded from within
But then he rose, brilliant as the moon in full
And sank in the burrows of my keep

And all my armour falling down, in a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm, as I’m singing him to sleep

He goes along just as a water lily
Gentle on the surface of his thoughts his body floats
Unweighted down by passion or intensity

Yet unaware of the depth upon which he coasts
And he finds a home in me
For what misfortune sows, he knows my touch will reap

And all my armour failing down, in a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm, as I’m singing him to sleep
- – - – - – - -
All my armour falling down, in a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm, as I’m singing him to sleep

All my armour falling down, in a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm, as I’m singing him to sleep

I Wonder What People Think About When They Write

44,683  Words Left

Watching the tweets come in one after another.
600 words,10,000 and even 20 thousand words!
I check on my NaNoWriMo buddies ….the same.

The speed of which everyone is writing….so fast. From afar it seems like each 1,000 word threshold is  filled with a secure plot and eloquent language to follow.  Watching the counts come in, I’m not wondering what the story is about but what is going through the mind of the author as he/she types.  Besides the obvious… your story. What are you thinking about as you go through your process of writing?

For me it is a combination  of a few things:

Self doubt like: “Boy that was a bad sentance….What am I six years old?”  to  ”He would never say that, its not part of his character”

But mostly its a stream of consciousness, one of thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions.  All in the mind of my character, my main character- the hero embarking on his journey.  I feel like I’m just along for the ride.

Now I have to pull back from the police station he works in, stop thinking about the weight of his vest on his chest as he sits waiting for role call.  I stop listening to the jokes he cracks with his fellow Police Officers.

I stop to look at the word count below my screen.  1,800 down another 44,683 to go…assuming that’s where my story ends.

I’m beyond new at writing …creative writing that is.  I’ve written for years as a grant writer but this is very different. As a first time writer with no real “Schooling” I know the 1800 words I just spewed out …..you know, the same ones that are now staring blankly at me, lifeless- SUCK…..bad.

I joined National Novel Writing Month to help me get through a first full draft of my novel.  Knowing the daily word count goal would force me to stop going back and correcting and rewording my sentences. Stop me from picking up thesaurus to find a better word for ‘stubborn’.  Frankly I did it so I wouldn’t  re-read my paragraphs 10 times and more fixing and mending my language.

Well it’s helping, but it is also creating a new  level of stress for me. It is leaving me to wonder what my ‘final’ page will look like. Gibberish perhaps? Will I have to rewrite it again? Most likely.

In the end I don’t care. I care more about my story, the lives I’m watching within the novel. I have to care more about the prospect that I just may have a few sentences out of many that maybe good enough to stay…..

                      Here’s to a Shitty First Draft!  Rock on NaNoWriMo!!

Day 1 NaNoWriMo ……1,603 Words Down

My first 5 observations entering NaNoWriMo Day 1

(Note: Music Song Selection @ bottom of list)

1. CLEANING:
Do all your laundry & clean most of your house

2. FOOD:
Have quick and easy food to prepare. Also try to have ‘Healthy snacks’ around.. I say this because I just bought a bag of Oreos…not cool man.

3. REALISTIC SCHEDULING:
Create a daily or weekly schedule; and for those who are more ambitious you can do the entire month. But like a budget you need to account for the unexpected…you know, the things that will take you away from your writing.

4. WRITE A LOT:
I meet a 7-year veteran (Find her on Twitter @so_she_writes) of NaNoWriMo and she said to get in as much as you can the first week because life happens and there will be days that you won’t get the word count you scheduled.  Like exercising if you miss one day of writing it becomes that much easier to miss another…another.  I guess you can look at it like the treadmill will always be there-  but NaNo is only once a year.

5. WORD COUNT:
She also said some writing platforms count hyphenated words as two words but NaNoWriMo verifier will count it as 1!

MY MUSIC SONG SELECTION FOR

(Midnight Hour)

WRITERS LIKE ME..ENJOY!!

http://youtu.be/_WjeWsiujmU

‘Hayling’ — By FC Kahuna

50,000 Words in 30 Days!!

Up until 4am last night/morning writing…..
Woke up at 12pm to start again.

Feeling like I’m about 4 weeks behind schedule and 9 hours too late. But I made it through the ugly NYC snow…. found a seat.. sipping a hot coco, and prepping for  NATIONAL NOVEL WRITING MONTH    http://www.nanowrimo.org/

-Beginning Nov 1st- November 30th

My hope is that this blog will be another tool to hold me accountable to something other than the sad looks I get from my dogs when I cop out of writing that day; but to also obtain some encouragement from seasoned professionals and newbies like me.

But above all, I want to share my experience as a new writer and soon to be author. Everywhere there are artists asking each other for advice and support in their field of work. Each guarding their “process” in creating and developing their craft but secretly wondering how others do it.

WHAT THE HELL….. being new I’m happy to share a little while hoping to gain some knowledge  as I make my way to the last word on the last page.


http://natashaguadalupe.wordpress.com/category/music-always-helps-me-write/

Music is one of the most important things I love and need when I’m creating.  So I listen to a lot of it as I write.  I will share one or two songs as I am actively listening to them  in those moments.


http://natashaguadalupe.wordpress.com/category/the-world-within-the-story/

I do a lot of research, and in doing so I find some really interesting things. So you see how I obtain the info I get while learning about some of my characters- I will post some of this information to the blog



http://natashaguadalupe.wordpress.com/category/novel-snipets/

After long week of writing…IF, I find a passage from my novel that makes sense & is understandable I will share.


http://natashaguadalupe.wordpress.com/category/me-in-action/

Because sometimes words are not enough


http://natashaguadalupe.wordpress.com/category/si-me-ves-llorrar/

Essentially, this is where I use poetry as a cathartic process of releasing the things that weigh heavy on my chest and grip my heart


http://natashaguadalupe.wordpress.com/category/tools-of-the-trade/

Because we (writers/ artists) all could use a little help… I will post resources, links, NaNoWriMo info including grants and fellowships.


Why I Write….

I write because as I see and feel both pain & love, I want and need my experiences to become words that exemplify the beauty in both - 

- N. Guadalupe

The Guilt I Feel

By: Natasha Guadalupe

The guilt weighed heavy on me
One of desire, the craving of love,
and the need for normal.

It pulsated hard through my veins and bled to my lips.
Now swelled and stained from each pull and tug.

Now aware.
How do you explain the guilt that you feel?

Detach, disconnected
not related to me.

The disrobing of my dress, and revealed face
how do you explain the guilt that you see?

Awakened.

Opened wide, ready to give and now receive
how do you explain the gentleness and desire in front of me?

Selfish

As the word “Yes” rose through me
how do you explain the things that you need?

All body and no mind.

Detached, disconnected
not related to me.

I’m a Tad Paranoid About Backing Up

DVD....My DVD Back Up of Back Up....My 8G Memory Stick.....My Amazon Purchased External Drive......And My Google Docs

———–

‘Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered my plot and hero’s theory,
Over many a quaint and witty words of fate and lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came an error message zapping,
As of some one gently zap, zapping on my computer door.
Only this, saying it could not restore’

I say this say that I once lost about 5 hours of work  and maybe shed a few tears. Unfortunately with me,  once I write it down I can never really rewrite or capture the same words and feelings the way I did the first time around.
So……

All My Chapters….Main Story Outline: 40pgs….. Character Descriptions & Back stories 80pgs….Pictures: 70 images and a lot of Research is saved on my:

  1. Hard Drive
  2. Memory Stick
  3. External Drive
  4. DVD Disc
  5. Backup of my Backup  DVD Disc I keep at my office (Just in case my house happens to burn down)
  6. Google Docs
  7. Ohhh yeah I have a full printed draft of everything I mentioned above.

What can say I’m a tad paranoid about backing up my story.

Violation Came

By: Natasha Guadalupe

The self-indulgent voice shot through me like a long arrow
Forcefully entering my mind piercing my will

Its stiff feathers scathed my heart as it brushed against my spine
causing it to burn

Running along my underbelly to my pit
Hoggish and virile

Drumming and pulling at my cords
Only to release and shoot back up with a cry
My mind left stiff and confused

Penetrating The God of Walls

By: Natasha Guadalupe

Lasting for an instant, today and tomorrow.
Oshun’s warm waters flowed over the steep tower’s edge.

Empty corridors swelled,
as amber ripples swam.
Adorned and rich.

Palpitating against its gates
Primroses ignited.
His thirst quenched.

Eroding its structure,
dissolving its defenses,

Oshooon….went her waves,
seeping trough hidden chambers,
where casted dreams and fears lay.

Lucid now.

Who was she but a chisel,
rumbling the mortar loose.
Coaxing the brick wall to release and fall.

Agile and delicate her fingers were,
separating each block from its joint.

Pulling at the strength of his defense.
What gain could there have been
but imminent hurt,
an apparent offense.

Not worrying what will happen,
only what needed to be done,
He salvaged what remained

Body heaving, arms heavy.

Laying and interweaving;
each block placed as a foundation,
one on top of the next.

Tap tapping from the bottom to the top.
Disciplined and exact.

Trowels smoothing,
grout hardening.

Laid and now bonded.

Each line rebuilt.
Heart fortified.
Mind resistant.

Engulfed in fear, realizing truth
A God in the wall that was
A God in the wall that still is.