For the last few months I’ve been quietly writing… trying to get to a place in my novel where I can seriously begin editing it down to a tangible piece of fiction, one of which I can have edited for review.
Almost 3 years have past and every fiber of my body wants and needs this story to be told. Its unimaginable how much I want to see it printed, binded and know that people, even if it’s just one person, one person that will feel the love, see the tragedy and witness the joy within the story I’m trying to tell.
No End in Site
While taking a few creative writing classes this fall I spoke with a few writers, those who are also writing books or have already completed one. One Instructor told me it took him 8 years to get their first one out, another said five! I freaked out, in my mind I don’t want to take that long, in a way I can’t. But then I know I want to do it right, and I still have a lot of learning (editing) to do.
Part of my drive is also stemming from the need for it to be over, not the process of writing- that has been an adventure and I’ve gained and continue to grow from it. Its the need for the story to be done.. need to let it go. You see, the story I’m writing is very personal for me. For more reasons than one, the weight of my characters in my mind seem to be getting heavier, especially when at times it can be difficult to find a way out of the maze I’m creating.
I often wonder if its wrong for a writer to feel that way, wanting the story to be over. My guess, it’s a natural one, one that I suspect other writers at times feel. I also realize this feeling comes from being too close to the story and dwelling on it even on the days that I attempt to give myself respite from it. For example, on one of those ‘days off’, I spent some time surfing online listening to new music- this is when I ran into the video below. I was so moved, at first I cried, then I watched it again, then again… then I started feverishly writing. I made changes, emphasized things I knew I wanted to show but felt weren’t clear…… all inspired by the images I was seeing and music I was hearing.
(Note: Expand the video so you can see it enlarged on your screen….trust me its better bigger)
The three minute and 55 second piece was created by a Videographer named Paulo. He mixed the modern electronic music of James Blake with a choreographed piece from the late Pina Bausch‘s stark depiction of the Rite of Spring, to make (in my mind) a piece of art in its own right. It exemplifies the second underling story within my novel… the discourse of love, loss, fear, anger and desire. It depicts the laborious requirement of it, both dirty and beautiful. I believe the quote from Marguerite Duras, author of The Lover and The Malady of Death best describes the images within the video when she stated:
“…in heterosexual love there’s no solution. Man and woman are irreconcilable, and it’s the doomed attempt to do the impossible, repeated in each new affair, that lends love its grandeur.”
– Marguerite Duras
Clearly for me, its hard to see an end in site when I’m still making changes, editing huge chucks of narrative and still questioning the direction of my story. In my heart I know its not a bad thing to take this long, especially when I want to do it right- my story deserves it, they, my characters deserve it, I want to be proud. Truth be told, I know myself enough to know when I actually do finish, I will be upset for the loss of finally being done.
So, if I finished my book and had one last thing to post, it would be of this dance, this song, this art, this love that I’m trying to communicate…even to that one person that will eventually get to read it.