She Had Given Him Her Entire Life In Those Final Moments…

(Snippet Of My Novel- A Work In Progress)

The game was running into overtime as his mind wandered. There were moments that seemed to blur. His thoughts, reality and not, all jumbled into one very real alternate universe. It was sometimes difficult to discern time.

“Look there, my son” he thought.

Seeing him now, a young man of fifteen. Fifteen? Juan shook his head as if to rewind back time. It was impossible to escape the ever lingering sensation he felt when looking at his son. It was the sense of accomplishment and one of awe. His son on the soccer field was the same 7 pound 5 ounce baby that once entered the world from his wife’s body to then be placed into his armsโ€”both warm and small.

And now here was, his son gliding across the vast expanse of the green field and blue sky, confident and strong. Juan reminds himself how fortunate he is. He had finally brought something good into this world, uncorrupted and untainted.

Robbie had been born during a time when fathers had just been allowed into the delivery rooms. He could recall the mosaic of sounds that beeped from the many machines monitoring her and the baby’s heartbeat. The piercing smell of bleach and blood that seemed to linger in the air fueling the thought of life and death. Giving and taking, both intermingled together in one place.

It was their third try. It hadn’t been easy. She didn’t want this. He knew it. But he pushed just like he always did. They both believed they needed this to mend a marriage; to consummate something beautiful and permanent despite the obvious seams that had been fraying at the edges.

In some ways he knew it was over. The last battle for their love was won and lost by his wife Rosaline. Juan felt the moment during his son’s birth when she broke away from him. She was there, she was smiling, she was holding his son, but she had already left him.

She had given him her entire life in those final moments; each year passing with every push.

As she grasped his hand to bear down for the final time, out came the last string of love that lied between them both, now beating in the soul of his son.

Robbie was the last gift of her youth, her independence and her innocence, all given to him. Just as he had always received everything he had asked for, whether given freely or taken by demand.

Now, looking at the face of his son as he kicked the black and white paneled ball in mid-air, it didn’t matter anymore. It didn’t mean anything but what was in front of him in these moments.

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18 comments on “She Had Given Him Her Entire Life In Those Final Moments…

  1. blacksunshinenl says:

    I like and it left me intrigued for more:) I hope we get to see more of it!

    “The last battle for their love was won and lost by his wife Rosalie. Juan felt the moment during his sonโ€™s birth that she broke away from him. She was there, she was smiling, she was holding his son, but she has already left him.” I fell for this part, it is heart-warming to envision that.

    • Natasha says:

      Thanks!! I have well over 60,000 words… All unedited.. It just takes me a bit to edit.. For example I posted this twice before I came up with this draft. In the end it will most likely change again. LOL!! I try to post a little bit so I can feel like I’m getting somewhere with the story.

      I love that line too!!

  2. jayrodpg says:

    This is a really compelling scene. I am thankful that you shared it with us. And I have to agree with blacksunshinenl in saying that the following line is wonderful: “She was there, she was smiling, she was holding his son, but she has already left him.”
    I can see work that it will need, but more importantly I see potential for a wonderful story. A diamond in the rough you might say. Beautiful work!

    • Natasha says:

      Thank you….very much a diamond in the rough. I’m very sure these passages will change many more times until I’m satisfied and it conveys what I need it to.

  3. TheOthers1 says:

    I like it and would definitely read more. Very interesting.

  4. Jill says:

    Hey Natasha,

    The part that gets me thinking is:
    Robbie was the last gift of her youth, her independence and her innocence, all given to him. Just as he had always received everything he had asked for whether given freely or taken by demand.
    (And the entire paragraph really)

    This just makes me think, “what kind of man is this? What things had he taken? What skeletons lie in his closet?”

    I also wonder, are we going to see more of Rosalie in this novel? Who is this Rosalie? What compelled her to be with a man like Juan in the first place?

    Can’t wait to read more!

    • Natasha says:

      JILL!!
      This was and is a hard piece for me. It’s actually a very small part of a three pg. scene. Really its a few passages merged to this sort of summation of what happened during the birth of their son.

      Its stupid but I actually cried when I first wrote a really rough version of it during NANOWRIMO. It makes me really sad for them. Two people, 2 young people fell in love, for the first time real love believing love was the only thing they would need and all they would ever want. Realizing too late it wasn’t

      I’m glad you liked it and want to read more. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Eden says:

    It’s heart-breaking. So terribly real… I’m not surprised it made you cry, Natasha. I’ve done work with domestic violence cases, and what few people seem to get is that even when the man is the aggressor, he’s as much of a victim of his actions. And far too many of these cases are because two young people mistake the glow of first love for the reality of love.

    I read your other post where you were commenting on how frustrated you were with Juan, but I think I understand him just that better now with this (I’m sure I really have no clues, just better guesses). I think that what he values, what to him is his “purpose” and goal is his “true love” his son and what the boy represents to him. That’s why he gives up other chances… because he is over focused on his son.

    Like I said, wild guess here. Good read!

    • Natasha says:

      Eden!!!
      Yes, it’s just as you said it. I haven’t been able to articulate it but I feel you are right in many ways. I’m glad you were able to get that just from this little snippet…. and Check-in 8 rant LOL!
      Wow. it really helps and feels good to know I’m making sense when I write and you enjoyed it.
      Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Eden says:

        Not only did I like it, but you have several other people who read it and liked it. And I suspect several other viewers who didn’t respond (silly people, missing out on some great conversation ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).

        I think it’s almost more heartbreaking to write about a person/character who doesn’t act in a manner that we want for them than it is to know such a person. When the person is real, we know the limits of our power to actually offer a compelling reason for them to change. But when this person is “our creation”, we know all the things we “could do”…. Things we could do, but shouldn’t.

        Hope you’re having a sunny like we are. Hoping to get out and enjoy some of it before the next ROW80 post.

  6. 4amWriter says:

    Very nice excerpt. You include a lot in that one moment which gives us a full sense of what is at stake for Juan and his son. I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing.

  7. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Natasha, 60,000 words is FANTASTIC. That’s great. And it was a great read, too. You seem really intent on your goals & focused. Good luck to you. You’re the first other blogger I have ever come across, doing a first draft (unedited) of a book online too. Cheers to us!

    One big LIKE ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. That was amazing! I want to read more! 60,000 words? You go, girl!

  9. Natasha says:

    Hi Elsie! Thank you for your feedback. But, do we know each other from somewhere?

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