If I Had One Last Post

For the last few months I’ve been quietly writing… trying to get to a place in my novel where I can seriously begin editing it down to a tangible piece of fiction, one of which I can have edited for review.

Almost 3 years have past and every fiber of my body wants and needs this story to be told. Its unimaginable how much I want to see it printed, binded and know that people, even if it’s just one person, one person that will  feel the love, see the tragedy and witness the joy within the story I’m trying to tell.

No End in Site

While taking a few creative writing classes this fall I spoke with a few writers, those who are also writing books and have already completed one. One Instructor told me it took him 8 years to get their first one out, another said five! I freaked out when I heard that. In my mind I don’t want to take that long, in a way I can’t. But then I know I want to do it right, and I still have a lot of learning (editing) to do.

Part of my drive is stemming from the need for it to be over, not the process of writing- that has been an adventure and I’ve gained and continue to grow from it. It is the need for the story to be done.. A need to let it go. You see, the story I’m writing is very personal to me. For more reasons than one, the weight of my characters in my mind seem to be getting heavier, especially when at times it can be difficult to find a way out of the maze I’m creating.

I often wonder if its wrong for a writer to feel this way (wanting the story to be over). My guess, it’s a natural one, one that I suspect other writers at times feel. I also realize this feeling comes from being too close to the story and dwelling on it even on the days I attempt to give myself some respite from it.

For example, on one of those ‘days off’, I was online listening to music clicking on artists I love and am curious about. This was when I ran into the video below. I was so moved by it. At first I cried, then I watched it again, then again… then, I started feverishly writing. I made adjustments to the plot, emphasized things I knew I wanted to show but felt weren’t clear…… all inspired by the images I was seeing and the music I was hearing.

(Note: Expand the video so you can see it enlarged on your screen….trust me its better bigger)

The three minute and 55 second piece was created by a Videographer named Paulo. He mixed the modern electronic music of James Blake with a choreographed piece from the late Pina Bausch‘s stark depiction of the Rite of Springto make (in my mind) a piece of art in its own right. It exemplifies the second underling story within my novel… the discourse of love, loss, fear, anger and desire. It depicts the laborious requirement of it, both dirty and beautiful. I believe the quote from Marguerite Duras, author of The Lover and  The Malady of Death best describes the images within the video when she stated:

“…in heterosexual love there’s no solution. Man and woman are irreconcilable, and it’s the doomed attempt to do the impossible, repeated in each new affair, that lends love its grandeur.”

– Marguerite Duras

Clearly for me, its hard to see an end in site when I’m still making changes, editing huge chucks of narrative and still questioning the direction of my story. In my heart I know its not a bad thing to take this long, especially when I want to do it right- my story deserves it, they, my characters deserve it, I want to be proud. Truth be told, I know myself enough to know when I actually do finish, I will be upset for the loss of finally being done.

So, if I finished my book and had one last thing to post, it would be of this dance, this song, this art, this love that I’m trying to communicate…even to that one person that will eventually get to read it.

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5 comments on “If I Had One Last Post

  1. Heather says:

    Hi,

    I have a quick question about your blog, do you think you could e-mail me?

    Heather

  2. denizb33 says:

    I can see that – sometimes you’ve been with a story for so long, and know how it’s going to end, that you just want to finish the thing so you can edit it or send it to beta readers. And it’s always good to set it aside for a few months before diving back into editing!

    • Natasha says:

      I couldn’t agree with you more (putting it aside for a bit)! But its like an itch I can’t get to…. but finish I will 🙂
      Thanks for coming by my site today!

  3. Eden says:

    This itch… this thing you refer to that controls your dreams and makes the world seem unbearable until it is fulfilled–that’s love. At least it’s one aspect of it. It’s the obsession that destroys; it’s the love of Tristan and Isolde or Romeo and Juliet… The wild passion that refuses to accept restrictions, defies the naysayers with its presence.

    It’s actually a good thing (despite my reference to ill-fated love affairs). It makes the writer write even when the world demands so much presence beyond the page. It does finish the book. (and I do wonder if part of your problem is that you are editing the story instead of writing it–finish it first, then edit it–; you’ll be a happier camper).

    But then there is the day-to-day… Imagine what would have become of Romeo and Juliet if they’d lived and Juliet had born Romeo’s child… Think of the world they lived in… I for one believe that Romeo would have fought to stay with Juliet and proclaim his blood, but their families would not have accepted a bastard anymore than they accepted the pair’s love. The challenges the two would have, possibly being torn from each other completely–it’s heartbreaking to imagine.

    But YOU are the writer. You have the ability to rewrite history.

    Finish the book–change the fate of the lovers. They’ve hurt for so long…. you can make it better for them.

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