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By: N. Guadalupe

Falling deep, falling hard
I’m losing all sense of me
This adult version of she

College educated, career oriented
I’m losing the jaded most part of me

This teen is falling deep and falling hard
Becoming the younger version of me

Filled with insecurities and exposed virginity
I’m losing sight of me

Naïve in the language of surface truths
Unrevealed and uncertainties she wades the deep

Watching the slow tempering of real and make-believe
These stiff brick walls remain unrelenting on me

I think I’m losing all of me

Put a Fire in My Belly

By: Natasha Guadalupe

Craving violence
No more complacent me
Understanding and peaceful talks has made this me

Put a fire in my belly
Fill it with the instability and unpredictability of it all

The feeling when first strapped to the chair
Heart racing with the clink, clang of the worn track
Gripping the bar as you anticipate the decent

Swooshhhhh
Down the windy slope, stopping midair, upside down, only to be whipped whipping around
Right-side up

Unforeseen curves,
The weight and push of the bends
Exhilarating!
Until the end

Creeping to the place where you began,
Unstrapped, released, and shaken
Left with only the echo of ride

My Body Betrayed Me

By Natasha Guadalupe

My body betrayed me
Of course not before my mind gave way to sentimentality
Independent thinker it is, although I never knew she was.

Why I Write….

Because as I see and feel both pain & love, I want and need my experiences to become words that exemplify the beauty in both – 

– Natasha Guadalupe

The Guilt I Feel

By: Natasha Guadalupe

The guilt weighed heavy on me
One of desire, the craving of love,
and the need for normal.

It pulsated hard through my veins and bled to my lips.
Now swelled and stained from each pull and tug.

Now aware.
How do you explain the guilt that you feel?

Detach, disconnected
not related to me.

The disrobing of my dress, and revealed face
how do you explain the guilt that you see?

Awakened.

Opened wide, ready to give and now receive
how do you explain the gentleness and desire in front of me?

Selfish

As the word “Yes” rose through me
how do you explain the things that you need?

All body and no mind.

Detached, disconnected
not related to me.

Violation Came

By: Natasha Guadalupe

The self-indulgent voice shot through me like a long arrow
Forcefully entering my mind piercing my will

Its stiff feathers scathed my heart as it brushed against my spine
causing it to burn

Running along my underbelly to my pit
Hoggish and virile

Drumming and pulling at my cords
Only to release and shoot back up with a cry
My mind left stiff and confused

Penetrating The God of Walls

By: Natasha Guadalupe

Lasting for an instant, today and tomorrow.
Oshun’s warm waters flowed over the steep tower’s edge.

Empty corridors swelled,
as amber ripples swam.
Adorned and rich.

Palpitating against its gates
Primroses ignited.
His thirst quenched.

Eroding its structure,
dissolving its defenses,

Oshooon….went her waves,
seeping trough hidden chambers,
where casted dreams and fears lay.

Lucid now.

Who was she but a chisel,
rumbling the mortar loose.
Coaxing the brick wall to release and fall.

Agile and delicate her fingers were,
separating each block from its joint.

Pulling at the strength of his defense.
What gain could there have been
but imminent hurt,
an apparent offense.

Not worrying what will happen,
only what needed to be done,
He salvaged what remained

Body heaving, arms heavy.

Laying and interweaving;
each block placed as a foundation,
one on top of the next.

Tap tapping from the bottom to the top.
Disciplined and exact.

Trowels smoothing,
grout hardening.

Laid and now bonded.

Each line rebuilt.
Heart fortified.
Mind resistant.

Engulfed in fear, realizing truth
A God in the wall that was
A God in the wall that still is.